Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

This blog post will offer practical advice for coping with grief on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, as well as those supporting people grieving.

The journey of losing a loved one is never-ending. Regardless of how long ago your loved one passed away, you will still miss them. Certain anniversaries, holidays, or other events can make the impact of the grief more difficult to handle.  

We encourage anyone dealing with grief to remember that grief can surprise you, even if it’s been “a long time” since the initial passing. Give yourself grace during these moments and do what you can to anticipate difficult seasons. This blog post will discuss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day specifically, but this information can be applied to any holiday.

For Those Grieving the Loss of a Parent

For anyone who has experienced the loss of a parent, the two-month window around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be difficult. A time designed to celebrate the mothers and fathers in our lives, where others are celebrating their own parents, can be an emotional minefield full of reminders of loss.  

We recognize that if you have lost a parent, this can be an especially difficult time, and we encourage you to explore these practical tips:

Acknowledge the Season

It might seem advantageous to ignore Mother’s Day and Father’s Day seasonal celebrations. However, as mentioned, grief can often take us by surprise, flaring up when we least expect it. Trying to ignore the holiday, especially as you are likely to encounter reminders, could have an adverse effect. 

You can try to avoid the holiday, but this may be difficult-to-impossible with commercials, discounts for mom and dad, seasonal card displays, and even social media posts of others celebrating their parents that can all become triggers. 

Instead, experts suggest acknowledging your emotions, which will allow you to process them and understand them fully.

Reach Out to Others

Reach out to friends and family, specifically those who have similar life experiences. Your first instinct may be to isolate and hide your feelings, but it’s important to allow your support network to support you. 

If you have others who have also lost a parent, they too might be looking for ways to acknowledge the day and share experiences.

Opt Out of Marketing Emails 

There are some major brands, including Levi’s, DoorDash, and Kay Jeweler, who have begun allowing their customers to opt-out of Mother’s Day specific marketing emails.  

If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by Mother’s Day floral discounts or Father’s Day sporting good offers in your inbox, look into whether your brands of choice offer this option.

Honor Your Loved One’s Memory

Just because your parent has passed away doesn’t mean that you can’t honor their memory on Mother’s or Father’s Day. 

Maybe you want to participate in social media activities. Or if you prefer to remember them privately, consider finding an activity you can do in their honor or a way to feel specially connected to their memory.

Those Grieving the Loss of a Child

No parent expects to outlive their child, and the loss can be debilitating. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can serve as especially painful reminders of your loss.  

It’s important to remember that you are still a parent and can acknowledge the day as you wish. Here are some suggestions to help you navigate the day.

Make Plans for the Day

Having a sense of control over the day can alleviate anxiety. Don’t just wait for the day to pass, instead map it out in advance, remembering to plan something enjoyable for yourself.  

The day could also include a specific plan to remember your child or connect with your support network, allowing the people who care about you to help you through a difficult time.

Start a New Tradition

Starting a new tradition, either for yourself or with your family, can help reframe the holiday in your mind. This new tradition can provide a way to honor your loved one during an otherwise difficult day. 

You could cook their favorite meal or visit their favorite restaurant together. Maybe you look at photos of them and tell funny stories. Or each year, you visit a place that you loved going to with them, or that you planned to. 

Giving yourself a sense of purpose and tradition can still bring meaning to the day, without ignoring the painful reminders of grief. 

Avoid Social Media

As Mother’s Day and Father’s Day become popular days for social media celebrations, it might be best to avoid seeing them altogether. 

Consider unplugging for the day and focusing on self-care activities that can bring you comfort.

How to Support Someone Who is Grieving

Many times when we have people in our life who are grieving, it can be hard to know what to say or do to truly help. Nervousness around saying or doing the wrong thing might keep us from showing our support at all. 

We hope that the recommendations below provide helpful, practical ideas of how you can support those experiencing grief, especially during the Mother’s Day and Father’s Day season.

Don’t Shy Away From Saying Something

A small sign of support can go far, reassuring the person that you recognize that this day and season is difficult for them. While it might be uncomfortable, especially if you don’t know the “right” thing to say, more likely than not, the person will appreciate the gesture, rather than focusing on exactly what was said. 

Consider sending a simple text message, letting them know that you’re thinking of them. 

Offer a Listening Ear

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can elicit big feelings for those experiencing loss, and they may not know what to do with them. Or, they may feel that they are overwhelming someone else by talking about their journey. 

Offer to listen, maybe even asking them to share a favorite memory of their loved one with you.

Small Gestures Make a Big Difference

If you are someone who likes to make their support shown through an action or item, consider:

• Sending flowers and/or a card 
• Preparing a meal or offer to have food delivered 
• Creating a memory box
  • Depending on your relationship to this person and their loved one 
• Donating in their loved one’s name 
• Creating a playlist 
• Offering practical help: assistance with everyday tasks such as grocery shopping, cleaning, or other errands 
• Offering a relaxation gift: gift certificate for a massage, spa day, or yoga class to encourage them to practice self-care 
• Sharing your own memory: sharing your own memory or story of their loved one can be a comforting reminder of the positive impact their loved one had on others

The months surrounding Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be joyous, bringing warmer weather and reasons to celebrate mom and dad. This time can also bring confusing and painful reminders of grief, for those who have lost a parent or a child. It’s important to acknowledge this, both for those experiencing grief and those who wish to support them. By doing so, you can better find practical, meaningful ways to honor your loved ones, navigate these emotionally-loaded holidays, and perhaps find some peace.

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