Navigating the First Year of Grief

For most Americans, grief is a deeply uncomfortable topic. While other cultures navigate death openly or even joyfully, with traditions such as Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), in the U.S., discussing death is typically avoided. Most of the time, we only hear about grief in terms of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).  

This can be alienating to those navigating grief, as you may not feel that anyone truly understands or is comfortable listening. We want you to know that your grieving process timeline and feelings are personal to you, and that there is no time limit to grief. 

Whether your loss is recent or happened years ago, grief can make itself known randomly and often at in-opportune times. However, in this piece, we will be discussing the first year after a loss and the first-year grief anniversary. 

Related: Free Losing a Loved One Guide >  

Understanding the First Year of Grief 

The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences that someone can go through. It brings an onslaught of emotional and logistical decisions to make, as well as completely changing your life. 

Because of this, some people consider the first year of grief to be the hardest. Whether this holds true in your experience, here are some things to consider: 

• Expect the Unexpected: Be careful not to set expectations for yourself or others around how you think you should feel, or by when. 
• Remember Your Physical Wellness: While things such as your sleep and appetite are likely to be deeply impacted, it’s important to prioritize sleep, eating, and movement as you are able to. 
• Avoid Major Decisions: It’s often said that you shouldn’t make any major life changes during the first year after a loss. You may feel the urge to sell your house, get rid of items, or make other significant shifts, but try to keep from doing so until you have a clearer head. 
• Treat Yourself with Compassion: Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult. It’s important to remember that you are navigating one of the most challenging experiences and to give yourself grace. 
• Others Might Not Understand: Unless someone has lost a loved one, it’s hard to comprehend grief. You should be prepared for others to not quite understand what you’re going through and say or do the “wrong thing.” 

Navigating the Year of Firsts

The first year after losing a loved one can feel like a minefield of important dates, serving as painful reminders of them. We encourage you to acknowledge these days, finding ways of embracing their memory, rather than ignoring the day. 

Hopefully over time, these days can become easier and remain meaningful as you make new traditions in their honor. 

First Birthday without a Loved One 

While it may seem odd to celebrate the birth of someone who has passed away, the birthday of a deceased loved one can be a perfect day to honor their memory. Celebrating their “heavenly birthday” may even bring you peace. Some ideas to celebrate their birthday: 

• Embrace your emotions and find a way to express them.  
  • Journaling your feelings, talking to your loved one, or even praying can all help you to acknowledge your feelings and feel closer to them. 
• Write them a birthday card 
• Visit their gravesite 
• Do an activity that you previously enjoyed together 
• Enjoy their favorite meal or dessert 
• Share that it’s their birthday and how old they would have been to someone, or even to social media 
• Look at old photos of them or you together 
• Volunteer in their memory 

First Holiday Season with a Loved One

Navigating the first holiday season without a loved one can be especially difficult. Perhaps it’s the first time that your family is gathering without them. Or, perhaps the deceased person really loved the holidays and played a major role in family traditions. It could also be that feeling grief at a time of year that is meant to be joyful is challenging.  

Here are some considerations for the holiday season: 

• Carry on your family traditions 
  • Especially any traditions that your loved one particularly enjoyed. Make their favorite recipes and bring up their memories. 
• Create new holiday traditions 
  • It may seem painful to have new celebrations without them, but they would want you and your other loved ones to find joy and peace in the season. 
• Spend time with family… or don’t 
  • You might feel tempted to isolate yourself, spending holidays alone rather than dealing with other people (not to mention their feelings). Truly consider what will bring you the most peace and decide accordingly. 
• Acknowledge your grief 
  • “Happy Holidays” is likely not the sentiment you want to receive this year. While others may be enjoying the festivities, it’s okay that you are grieving. It’s okay if you don’t feel like participating in “normal” holiday activities, and it’s okay if you do feel like celebrating as well. 
• Listen to sad holiday music 
  • Maybe you’re the type of person who likes to listen to sad music when you’re feeling sad. Consider exploring a list of sad holiday songs that you might find meaningful. 

First Wedding Anniversary without a Loved One

The first wedding anniversary of someone who’s passed away can be emotional, and especially challenging for their surviving spouse. Here are some ideas to consider if your spouse has passed away or if your loved one has a surviving spouse: 

• Watch your wedding video or look at wedding photos 
  • If you have been inviting to relive these memories with the surviving spouse, ask meaningful questions about the day. 
• Play your first dance song 
  • If you feel comfortable, consider dancing to the song with another loved one. 
• Take their surviving spouse out to dinner 
• Send their surviving spouse flowers or a card 
• Start a new tradition with their surviving spouse and/or immediate family 

See more: GriefShare’s resources on Losing a Spouse >  

First Mother’s Day and Father’s Day without a Loved One

The two-month window around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be particularly difficult for those who have lost a parent or child. 

Explore our full blog post with practical advice for navigating grief during this time and supporting those grieving. Here are some ideas to consider: 

• Acknowledge the season 
• Reach out to others 
• Opt out of marketing emails 
  • Some major brands allow customers to opt out of Mother’s and Father’s Day specific marketing emails. 
• Avoid social media 
• Make a small gesture to those dealing with the loss of a parent or child 

See more: Exploring the Role of Social Media in Child and Adolescent Grief > 

Coping with the One-Year Grief Anniversary 

Planning for a grief anniversary may seem daunting, bringing a wave of emotions. On one hand, there might be relief that you’ve made it through the first year of milestone anniversaries. On the other hand, there might be the realization that grief doesn’t magically get easier after a year. We encourage you to consider these ideas in preparation for a first-year, or any, grief anniversary.

• Take the day off of work or school:
  • This can give you space to sort through your feelings or make any plans for the day. 
• Make a plan for the day 
  • It can be comforting to know that you’ve planned something for the day, rather than waiting for the day to end. 
• Create a memory tradition or ritual 
  • This can help you for years to come as you can rely on your new tradition to bring you peace and remembrance. 
• Reach out to loved ones 
  • Be sure to let someone know that a milestone anniversary is coming up and allow those in your network to support you. 
• Be gentle with yourself 

The journey of grief is challenging, unpredictable, and personal, even after the first year. If you are currently grieving a loved one, please accept our condolences for your loss. We hope that this resource provides tangible ideas that will bring you some comfort as you continue to navigate your grief. 

For more compassionate support and guidance, we encourage you to explore our growing library of bereavement resources. 

Related Resource: 10 Steps for Planning a Funeral >